Complimentary Commentary: Looking the Rivers Casino’s Gift Horse in Its Mouth

Sunday, 03 June 2012 00:15

Written by Robert Biller

Last week, my wife received a postcard from the Rivers Casino advertizing a complimentary giveaway featuring a “Jazz* Camera & Camcorder (JC&C) with pop-up USB connector – all in one!” This stupendous (stupidpendous?) event took place yesterday, June 1. When I nicely asked my wife to please go with me and fetch this golden bone, she said, “Don’t you ever learn? It’ll be junk!”

“No! No!” said I. “You don’t understand! See, with all these ‘Smart Phones,’ now featuring quality built-in cameras and camcorders, ubiquitously flooding the market, demand for stand-alone equipment has plummeted, so the JC&C is bound to be a quality item!”

“It’ll be junk,” said she. “Your fogged reasoning is giving me a headache!”

“Please! Please!” I begged!  “It’ll be my Father’s Day present!” (I wanted to add it’s nice to see you suffering from something other than a sex-related headache, but I really, really wanted that JC&C!)

“Fine!” said she, who should always be obeyed! “And I’ll still give you a bag of M&Ms.”

The casino floor was bustling when we arrived, but upon reaching the distribution site on the second floor, just past the Grand View Buffet Restaurant, only a few excited souls were ahead of us.

As Sweetie and I lingered for a bit playing several slot machines, I dreamed about filming a great video that’d get millions of hits as it went viral on the Internet! Something sexy – featuring a frog!

Finally, we were in the Scion XB heading for Fombell, as I tore apart the JC&C’s imprisoning packaging! “Well, how’s your treasure working, Cecil B. DeMille?” taunted my spouse.

“I don’t know. It won’t work till I buy and insert an SD card and some AA batteries,” meekly said Mr. Bamboozled!

Let’s cut to the chase: After spending approximately $30 for SD card, long-life digital camera batteries and three gallons of gasoline (note: this doesn’t include gambling losses), I now own a  JC&C that takes grainy still pictures, and produces videos that are bleached out in sunlight and too dark in normal light. Most curious is the accompanying audio: if you shout directly into the JC&C during filming, or whisper from 20 feet away, it sounds the same – a barely audible whimper!

The JC&C looks and feels like a toy your child would get with a “Kid’s Meal!”

At least, I didn’t marry a dummy!