The new Shop’n Save located on Freedom Road in Cranberry Township has a great breakfast deal for only a $1.99. Sweetie & I partook this morning, and it’s not served in some grubby cubbyhole between the deli department and the flower mart. No sir! The Café is perched on an upstairs balcony boasting a 5-star view of the supermarket below. You arrive there via an elevator, or for the more athletically inclined by ascending a curving staircase. Once inside you’ll notice the seating options are varied with plenty of room between tables. The $1.99 breakfast features two eggs made to order; choice of ham, bacon or sausage; home fries and two slices of toast…I had rye. For another dollar – tax included – you get a bottomless cup of coffee. The only other breakfast option is a $3.99 “Gourmet Omelet” with potatoes and toast. Breakfast is served from 7-11 am. For lunch, a different $1.99 sandwich is featured each day, or you can opt for the 2 hotdogs for one buck special that is served daily. After lunch, Sweetie & I had a teeny-weeny brawl. Here’s how it went:
She: I have to spend a $129 to qualify for a free Easter ham.
Me: How long is that going to take? I want to get over to my Mom’s and cut her grass!
She: Don’t worry. Follow me.
We wind up in the medical supplies section and she starts piling packages of men’s “Depends” into our shopping cart.
She: See, I told you it won’t take long. I’m buying these for Uncle Ned (he’s incontinent), and he’ll reimburse me later.
Me: Great! Now when we check out everyone will assume they’re for me.
Me: So!!!!! It’s embarrassing! Wait! I’ll go over and load the cart with “love lubes.” I think some are even edible. I’ll buy every flavor and viscosity they’ve got!
She (starting to turn red): You will not!
Me (getting louder): It sure beats motor oil, or Vaseline, or WD-40, or graphite, or low-sodium margarine!
Last summer, I broke my right big toe in the mosh pit at the Rob Zombie concert! It still’s black and swells slightly by the end of the day.
She (as I return carrying various female lubricants): Put them back!
Me (fatal mistake): Make me!
She stomps on my right toe! After pain subsides, and I put back the contraband. We head for the check-out line. I’m limping.
She (with sly smile): If you waddle like that, they’ll assume your diaper’s full!
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