Dear Ms. Pygian: I recently began dating a gorgeous woman. She’s way out of my league, but my geeky CMU pals don’t seem to be shocked.  This fact, plus her incredible knowledge and understanding of all things scientific (in addition, she’s never missed a “Jeopardy” question), has me wondering if I’m the victim of a sophisticated practical joke. Many of my buds are involved in robotic research at CMU! I guess what I’m asking is, “How can I be sure that my new girlfriend, Dee Dee Creepio, is…well…human?” Signed: Philo Phrisbee

Dear Philo: Because your question is so technical, I decided to contact the world’s leading robotic research expert, Dr. Taras Dinkelweiz. He informs me both warbots and lovebots are now so advanced that detecting them is almost impossible. That’s why the Institute for Robotic Ethics has made it mandatory for all female lovebots to carry the following Latin inscription on their mons pubis, just above the pudendal cleft: “Insertus Phallus Hereus.” On male lovebots, this same inscription is found on their dorsal side, just above the intergluteal cleft!