Well, I finally did it! After 26 months of hirsute happiness, I’ve sheared the flowing locks that graced and secluded my phrenologist’s paradise. “She, who is always obeyed” finally had enough when a hurried, harried and distracted food server at Smokey Bones sprinted over to our table and queried, “Would you two ladies like something to drink?” ‘Twas third time in as many months that I’ve been mistaken for a lass. My Samson-like strands were unfurled, of course, but when I pull them back into a ponytail, I’m followed around in stores by security personal and harassed by the Po-Po at sobriety checkpoints. (Really, if I were going to shoplift and/or drink and drive, I’d have a nondescript do! Wouldn’t you?) So, I went to Dollar General this afternoon and bought an 18-piece haircut kit for 15 bucks. I was going to pull a Yul Brynner, but Sweety pronounced a big ixnay on the baldway, and I trimmed it down to 5/8 inch with the #5 comb guard.
I know! I know! You think I’m pussy-whooped! But that’s patently untrue. My wife rarely tries to impose her will, and when she does her reasons are righteous! As far as blocking my shaved-head maneuver, she intuitively knew my next move would have been to acquire a tatt on the back of my skull. Imagine the scrutiny that would elicit in the real world.
Nice thing about cutting your own hair is that it grows back and the shoemaker’s handiwork will repair itself.
I didn’t avoid the barber because I’m cheap. I avoided the barber because, well, I looked like a bum. I was embarrassed. I got myself into this tangled mess, so I had to get myself out of it.
Did I learn a valuable lesson? Check back with me in another 26 months!
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ceejai, October 12, 2011 - 05:03 AM
Well done Toadsly! You look great! Youthful. Powerful. Just fantastic. And that guy with the clippers in hand isn't half-bad either.
Toadsly, October 12, 2011 - 07:08 AM
I doubt I'll ever go, again, 26 months without a haircut,
ceejai, October 12, 2011 - 07:40 AM
Toadsly, I have begun to notice-- now that I'm in my seventh decade-- that women look increasingly like men and men look increasingly like women. Androgynous but not in the David Bowie way. More like Pat.
Seriously, your new do looks outstanding.
thescarletpumpernickel, October 12, 2011 - 07:56 AM
Looks great. I've been thinking about doing the same thing. Hate to sound "girly" (pls. forgive me ciejai!), but lately my hair has been "poofing" on the side away from the part, kind of like a cross between Ronald Reagan and Flo the Car Insuarnce spokesperson.
A few years ago I let it grow for acouple of years, not to make a statement, but just because I didn't want to be bothered. When I finally *did* get it cut, it went into a natural faux-hawk.
I guess it's just nature's way of reminding me that there's no way out of me NOT looking crazy. It's the pumpernickel nature.
You've inspired me to visit the Dollar General, my friend.
l8r
ceejai, October 12, 2011 - 08:05 AM
The pumpernickel poof? At least you don't have a Dagwood Bumstead. I always thought of my Dad as Dagwood and his boss as Mr Dithers. Still do. Recently, I think of you, pumpernickel, as Dilbert. Dilbert has been wickedly clever lately, meeting all challenges with sheer genius. That's you, my friend, Sheer genius.
Say, you know the younger guys who have lots of hair and gel it up into a little peak on top? mr ciejai and I call that a Schmo-hawk.
rnm44, October 12, 2011 - 09:13 AM
Toadsly, October 12, 2011 - 07:19 PM
Toadsly, October 12, 2011 - 07:36 PM
BTW- I think Flo is kinda hot!
ceejai, October 12, 2011 - 07:51 PM
Are you kidding r n m 44! You and Toadsly are the comment kings. Nobody else comes close.
thescarletpumpernickel, October 12, 2011 - 08:16 PM
Dagwood Bumstead!
Didn't he eat mashed-potato sandwiches for lunch?
Say - in Squirrel Hill,would that be a "Schlomo-Hawk"?
thescarletpumpernickel, October 13, 2011 - 08:23 AM
A tat on the back of the skull?
That would be cool. How about renting-out advertising space?
Say, there wasn't a treapanation kit at the Dollar Store, was there?
I'd be willing to give that a try, you know, let out all the bad humors 'n stuff.
Toadsly, October 13, 2011 - 09:02 AM
Say, if you find a kit, let's have a trepanning party! You provide the bone chisels and drills, and I'll provide the PBR and after-surgery pain killers!
Jersey Joe, October 13, 2011 - 02:02 PM
I took them as prescribed and had no desire for my first refill.
Jersey Joe, October 14, 2011 - 08:08 AM
Toadsly, October 14, 2011 - 10:26 AM
thescarletpumpernickel, October 14, 2011 - 11:01 AM
Say, if you find a kit, let's have a trepanning party! You provide the bone chisels and drills, and I'll provide the PBR and after-surgery pain killers!
Oh, jeez. I could picture the two of us doing that. We'd look like Beavis and Butthead.
That'd be cool.
Toadsly, October 14, 2011 - 11:56 AM
And if we survive, we can hit the talk-show circuit! They'll make us sit so our good sides are showing -- ya know, the side where we had the holes drilled and just a thin layer of pulsating scalp covers our slightly-damaged brains.
And if we don't survive, the whole sordid affair will make a great movie.
Do you really think you can grow it back in 26 months ?
Did you cut it way down with shears first ?
How many years have you had it as long as it was ?
My first friend from before kindergarten who passed away this past spring
had his that long from the seventies up until a couple or few years ago.