Enjoy this!

Comment (4)

Say, I must be the one person in the Pittsburgh area who paid to see the new musical Rock of Ages (RoC)! It’s big, loud and a hard PG-13! (So don’t take the kiddies!) All the tunes rock, and all the big name stars roll; especially, Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand, who provide comic relief. The duet they sing when they fall in love is a pants-wetter!  It’s an inside joke casting these two bun men as gays, but that’s nothing compared to casting Tom Cruise as the sex-addicted womanizer and rock god, Stacee Jax!( His goofy cowboy hats and fur coats will do little to quell rumors about his sexual orientation.) I’m not a big fan of musicals, but this one is worth the price of admission! The scene in which Cruise seduces scanty panty and bra clad Malin Ackerman is worth double the price of admission.

Comment (2)

Did you know that 40% of Japanese men are sitting down to urinate? And it’s not because of religious beliefs like the billion-plus Muslim men and women who follow the Prophet’s example. Nope, Japanese men seat-pee because their “mamma-san” demands it! Holy sushi, Squatman! Now, in Sweden, the radical feministic-socialistic “Left Party” is pushing to force male Sormland County officials to micturate while seated. One wonders how this rule would be enforced. Will doors be removed from stalls so the pee-police can cite scofflaws? Supporters claim it will eliminate puddles on floors and yellow stains on walls and ceilings and toilet seats. They even claim to have medical studies proving sitting is good for prostate health and facilitates better bladder drainage. What’s next? No more TV remotes? Crotch scratchers beware!

Comment (2)

I’m a father! Big deal! If I weren’t, I’d have had to fork over my own $5.49 for a served-all-day “Triple Crown Breakfast!” I’m grateful and wish to extend my thanks to the people who are responsible for my being feted and culinary treated: my wife and countless deadbeat dads! Thanks, Sweetie, for letting me impregnate you. I never liked kids…or animals…or clutter…or sharing you…or added responsibility (Before we were parents).  But you said I’d make a great father and apparently you were right? If I’m a decent father, it’s only because so many other fathers are so despicable. I did very little! Why women like men is a mystery to me. They risk so much on an iffy investment that often bankrupts their soul. Happy Father’s Day, PGPlussers!  

Comment (2)

About 5 minutes into Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, I wanted to demand my $5.50 back – 78 minutes after that, as the end credits began to roll, I wished it hadn’t ended. There’s a scene, about a fifth of the way through, when King Julien takes his new love, a gigantic tutu-wearing female circus bear pedaling a tiny unicycle, on a date in and thru the Eternal City that is simply ridiculously entertaining. Set to the music from the Euro-smash hit “Time to Say Goodbye,” it epitomizes the goofy but heartfelt nature of this cinematic family pleaser. Madagascar 3’s surprisingly innovative, yet reassuringly familiar, as those Central Park Zoo loonies hide-out in a European traveling circus evading Captain DuBois, a vicious animal control officer from Monte Carlo, who is determined to bag Alex the lion and mount his head on her crowed trophy wall. The most ingratiating new character joining Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria is a hapless performing sea lion with an enormous overbite and a tiny brain named Stefano. The penguins add their crusty (as usual) edge to adventure 3 demonstrating, once again, that cute ain’t necessarily cuddly. Even the soundtrack, featuring the likes of Katy Perry, is well beyond mundane. Can’t wait for Madagascar 4!

Comment (2)

Give an Oscar-winning actress the chance to play a full-blown baddie, and she’ll steal the show! Gorgeous, talented Charlize Theron plays evil Queen Ravenna as a militant feminist in the surprisingly satisfying hit film Snow White and the Huntsman (SW&H).  And it works! Queenie’s a man-hater (for good reasons), and she dispatches Snow White’s kingly father with a dagger through his heart on their marriage bed. The film coyly hints that the only man she now beds is her sadistic brother. She doesn’t treat members of her own sex much better, but, at least, they’re still alive after Ms. Misandrist literally sucks in all their youthful beauty. I told you she was bad. And speaking of bad, Kristen Stewart is a lackluster Snow White. She looks and acts chronically constipated. You know, like she still can’t decide between that creepy, sensitive vampire and the muscle-bound, goofy werewolf. Even the film’s hungry bridge troll decides to obey its nose and not ingest this colon-clogged princess. (That’s my tilted interpretation.) Chris (Thor) Hemsworth muscles his way through another blockbuster as the “Huntsman.” The supporting players are superb; especially, the seven digitally-dwarfed dwarfs. It all works in a kind of epic way! Yes, great armies attack walled cities and knights in shining armor chop at one another with heavy swords and axes. SW&H has something for everyone – even an ambiguous ending for the artsy-fartsy crowd. Well, so long! I’m off to find minimally-clothed pictures of Ms. Theron floating around in cyberspace.

Comment (2)

Last week, my wife received a postcard from the Rivers Casino advertizing a complimentary giveaway featuring a “Jazz* Camera & Camcorder (JC&C) with pop-up USB connector – all in one!” This stupendous (stupidpendous?) event took place yesterday, June 1. When I nicely asked my wife to please go with me and fetch this golden bone, she said, “Don’t you ever learn? It’ll be junk!”

Comment (2) Read More...

It’s been ten years since Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) and Agent J (Will Smith) last scooted around using “neutralizers” on humans to erase their memories and blasting aliens with Flash-Gordon-like space guns. Men in Black 3’s (MIB3) plot involves sending J back in time to intercept and kill an escaped, contemporary alien criminal (Boris the Animal), who has utilized the space-time continuum to return to 1969. If J fails, present-day Earth is doomed and young K (brilliantly played by Josh Brolin – he’s a dead-ringer for a 29-year-old Tommy Lee Jones) will be murdered. The film’s charm lies in its retro look, often played for laughs, and some great sidebars such as discovering Andy Warhol is a secret, sarcastic, jaded MIB agent who can’t stand the weirdoes he’s keeping tabs on in his Manhattan “Factory.” He hates the “crappy” art he’s creating to provide his cover. The special effects amaze – especially the recreated Cape Canaveral on the day Apollo 11 blasted off for its historic lunar manned mission. The real surprise, the one that lifts MIB3 above most summer cinema-sizzlers, is its touching revelation about the relationship between J & K. Many viewers near me fought back tears! And keep an eye out for Griffin the alien. He’s reminds one of Hobbit Frodo, and is the sweet heart of this incredibly affecting tale! Much, much better than the previous two MIBs!

Comment (9)

In lieu of monthly Social Security checks, President Romney will issue senior citizens realistic, made-in-China bear costumes, so they won’t be embarrassed when spotted dumpster diving for food and other essentials. Hunters will be discouraged from bagging bears near dumpsters and trash cans during bear season. Dead people-bears will be given free burials after Mitt’s “Saintly” minions properly baptize them! Bless you, Mitt!

Comment (0)

Even though flesh-eating bacterial infections (necrotizing fasciitis) are quite rare, the recent reports of three new cases – Aimee Copeland, 24, (a college student); Lana Kuykendall, 36, (a paramedic who just gave birth to twins); Bobby Vaughn, 32, (a landscaper being treated in the same Atlanta hospital as Copeland) – prompts me to issue this warning: If you suffer a cut or abrasion that doesn’t seem to be infected but is causing excruciating pain, possibly along with other symptoms like nausea and/or headaches, rush to the nearest emergency room. If you wait until inflammation and swelling occur, and the flesh-eating bacteria (many varieties of these normally benign germs live on our skin) are spewing tissue-destroying toxins as they quickly spread through the thin-layered fascia that surrounds muscles and organs, then amputations and massive tissue debridement will be needed to treat this often deadly malady. Occasionally, as in a deep muscle bruise, no visible wound is needed to contract this horrible infection.

Comment (0) Read More...